Wednesday, April 9, 2008
* Him... *
This is a crappy post, I'm warning you haha! But I can't help it, I miss him. ='[*Breath in (after 5 seconds), breath out.*
But I still feel nervous. I have never made a public post about Him ever since I started blogging. I couldn't even mention his name or his nickname. I just can't.
Well, the reason is, I'm afraid his girlfriend might read the post. But now, I don't care. ;]]
I am supposed to feel better now. But then something triggered my memory of Him.
Funny thing, but he resembles Quan of Hana Kimi (Taiwanese version). His built, facial structure and even the hair and eyes! For God's sake, what the hell was that?!
The smile.. Oh God, kill me. T___________T
I don't usually watch in local channels but when my Grandpa was watching news and the commercial was about Hana Kimi, I saw the main character linked to this guy.
Believe me, I had a tachycardia that time. Why... Of all the people...
Above is a picture of "Quan".. I can't post the picture of Him because his girlfriend really doesn't know the history of Him and me.
A brief history of Him&me:
We've known each other for four years now.
He's the best friend of my ex and we started to be "good" friends since the break up.
We've been going out ever since and reached the point of M.U. as termed by the others.
After a lot of "dates", my ex knew about it and he wanted to get back with me. What happened to Him and me? We had to lie low and it was pretty long before we met again. My friends told me to ditch him if we were dating but not officially. Until sometime, when I couldn't return the expressions of affection, he got a girlfriend.
*Fast forward*
He texted me the past two weeks and he was still the same sweet guy. Darn it.
Sila pa rin ng girlfriend niya nung nagkikita kami.
He told me that he isn't sure if he'll still be studying here in Baguio because his girlfriend is restless and is hard up with their long distance relationship. I was like whoa, the hell! I felt bad but I didn't say what I really felt anymore and stayed neutral. I don't want him to think I've still got feelings. I don't know.. I just want to let go but I can't. I've been hanging in here for almost 2 years now... And it really hurts. After that revelation, he told me he didn't want to study in Manila. The reason? I didn't dare ask.
Before saying goodbye (he had to switch his sim back to sun again for his girlfriend), he told me "I love you..." I didn't want to expect so I told him, "wrong send ka.." and this time, he replied: "hindi yun wrong send. best friend kita eh."
And again, I believed and was hurt.
Will someone please tell me what this is? Even I who keeps on advising people do not know what to do about my situation. I feel like a fucking ass crap right now. =(
